It's one of those days when my insides are trying to lift my outsides off the floor and into the sky.
The sky is cloudy, which always helps (call me crazy), and Baby Girl has been asleep for two hours.
I don't have much time.
Ideas swirl through my brain, begging for attention.
But which should come first?
I climbed a waterfall with my husband this week--for our anniversary--and ever since, I've been obsessed with the remembrance that I am adventurous.
I used to live for the feeling of rocks beneath my fingers as I scaled a cliff.
For the feeling of water splashing my bare feet and of deep breaths filling my lungs after a run.
Almost four months have past since I became a mother, a year since I became pregnant.
My life has been different, and for a while, I've let myself go a little.
For a while, I've listened to my fears, my reasons not to, my excuses, more than I've listened to my real self.
I am Claire.
Still.
My breaths are short, my heart pounding as I snatch at swirling thoughts.
What have I realized?
I have my own style. And I like it. No need to cruelly compare myself to the beautiful people I see.
I am also beautiful.
But I should still put on makeup every day. It just helps me.
Take the time to get ready. First thing in the morning, decide to feel good about myself that day. Every day.
Sleep is good. Having an infant child under my watch makes for many nights with little sleep.
But she is growing older and sleeping longer and so should I.
She and I slept until 11 today and I am not ashamed. We have both been in such good moods because of it.
I love to take pictures. Just because I am not profesh doesn't mean I can't take pics.
Capture these moments.
Or else.
Record these moments on paper, too. Paper and pen are tangible to me.
They make for tangible memories. The sweetest memories of my life.
Talk to people. Invite them over, visit them, bring them food.
I've spent so much of my life holding myself back from speaking.
But I've always been surrounded by people. I'm not anymore.
So I must seek them out instead. And always speak up when I want to.
But there's nothing wrong with being the one who listens.
Take time for myself.
Take time for myself.
Take time for myself.
Stay creative. Explore my creativity every day.
Take Addie along for the ride. Teach her to love what I love.
She is more capable than I think.
Be on constant alert for the depressive beast. The one who constricts, confines, suffocates the life out of me.
Yes, Claire. Your life is hard.
It's supposed to be.
Recognizing that doesn't mean you're complaining;
it just means you matter enough for the devil to come after you. Laugh in his face.
It's just like in yoga: Force yourself to smile through the hard parts and it instantly becomes easier.
Keep your face soft and your core strong.
Read books. Write books.
Don't give up on growing things. Someday you will keep a plant alive.
And it will prosper and give fruit.
Until then, continue learning.
Never feel bad about the things I did not do; always feel good about the things I did do.
Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think of what could go right.
Be in the trees, the grass, the water.
Plan it out if you have to.
Embrace both the sun and the rain, the heat and the cold.
And everything in between.
At night, when I'm lying in bed, reflect on the day.
Notice what I learned.
Go to sleep knowing that tomorrow will be even better than today.
And then make it that way.